Bertolini's Verizon Gig: Savior or Just Another Corporate Shuffle?
Alright, so Mark Bertolini, fresh off his CEO gig at Oscar Health, is now gonna be chairman at Verizon? Seriously? It's like musical chairs in the C-suite, and the only people winning are the guys with the golden parachutes.
The Health-Tech Guy Running a Telecom Giant?
Bertolini apparently did some stuff with individual coverage health reimbursement arrangements (ICHRAs) at Oscar. Okay, fine. But what does that have to do with 5G, data plans, and customer service that makes you wanna throw your phone out the window? I get that Verizon wants to look "innovative," but this feels like they just picked a name out of a hat.
Is the idea that he is gonna get Verizon to offer healthcare benefits to it's employees? Maybe that's the play here.
And then there's the whole Hy-Vee Health with Oscar thing. Teaming up with a grocery store to offer healthcare benefits? I mean, sure, why not? Healthcare should be as easy as buying milk, right? Except, last time I checked, picking a health insurance plan was about as fun as a root canal without anesthesia. I'm not convinced that this will work.
Oscar's Stumbles: A Warning Sign?
Let's be real, Oscar Health hasn't exactly been crushing it lately. Their Q3 results "fell short of Wall Street’s expectations" because of "increased market morbidity." Translation: sicker people are signing up, and that's costing them money. No kidding! Who would've thought that a health insurance company would have to, you know, pay for healthcare?
And Bertolini called 2025 a "reset moment" for the market. A reset moment? That's corporate speak for "we screwed up, but we're hoping you won't notice." I'm sure the Verizon board was thrilled to hear that.
But wait, there's more! Apparently, analysts are gonna be watching Oscar's 2026 pricing strategy, cost reductions, and enrollment trends. You know, the basic stuff that a well-run company should already have figured out. More details can be found in 5 Must-Read Analyst Questions From Oscar Health’s Q3 Earnings Call.
Offcourse, the problems at Oscar might not be Bertolini's fault. But still...
So What's the Plan, Exactly?
What's Bertolini's grand plan for Verizon? Is he gonna bring the same "innovative" thinking that led to Oscar's "reset moment"? Are we gonna see Verizon offering healthcare benefits with every new phone purchase? "Sign up for our unlimited data plan, and get a free colonoscopy!" I can see the commercials now...
And what about Verizon's core business? Are they gonna fix their spotty coverage? Improve their customer service? Stop charging us an arm and a leg for internet that's slower than a snail on tranquilizers? Those would be nice things to look into.
I dunno, maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe Bertolini is the visionary leader that Verizon needs to drag them kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Then again, maybe I'm just tired of watching these corporate shuffles while my phone bill keeps going up.
Another Day, Another Dollar... Wasted
So, what's the real story? It's the same old song and dance. A guy gets shuffled from one high-paying gig to another, while the rest of us are stuck paying the price. Color me unsurprised.
